The fear of not being understood made me terrified and anxious communicating with people on deeper levels, human levels, bluntly said levels. This fear made me try to talk, act in a way that i perceived to be "the right way".
Realizing I am acting out of fear which is never a good thing , I went upon a learning journey to get to the root of the fear and yank it.
What I learned is mostly awesome and somewhat sad but true.
When I am true to myself, respect my true core, and respect others' place in life, I am doing the right thing. Saying that, being true and not always understood leads to the lose of "friends" or "loved ones". This way sometimes requires stepping in mud and having no one saying "aw you poor thing". The loneliness that comes with retrieving your real self is tough but with it.
Upside- I have a true sense of who I am and I know it is complex, funny,silly, blunt, naive, loving to the point of puke, weird, unique and quite imaginative and dramatic
.
The drama is to be channeled into my art. Writing. Photography. Music.
The beautiful irony in that is that writing will lead to exposure of feelings/experiences that can make people once again- not understand me. But the greatest lesson is that my truth and my art is ME.
. Those who love me , will stick with me, appreciate my sincere intentions and remember always that I love them in my odd , silly, sometimes overwhelming way.
I have relieved the need to be loved by everyone.How? I have learned I love myself and just like I would not give up on person i love because they are not what I "decide" they should be/do I have full confidence that I will not give up on myself. with all my weaknesses and oddness (which I embrace).
Positive outlook on yourself and others makes this process a wonderful inner journey. As we know we are , our thoughts. Which is why repressing hard things could control us. So God gave me art!
I embrace Imperfection- It's PERFECT and Lovely and I love unconditionally. Peace.
-The emotional basket case whom I love-dearly- Me.
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